Change of Heart

Well, it seems I cannot stop blogging. I've started a new blog titled Television is the Least of My Problems because well, it is. I still have that little thing called a dissertation to finish and that book. I swear I want to be cleansed (really I like clean). I am just having a bit of trouble.

Reunited and It Feels So Good

I love my television!! And we are officially back together again today. I think this is it for the blog. I have started a new one, but it's not cute yet. My mother purchased a plot of land in the Livingston Community Gardens and she also volunteered to be the historian. As a result, I am creating a blog for that purpose:

http://livingstoncommunitygardens.blogspot.com

Backslidin'

Might I confess that the reason why I failed to blog last night was because I was watching television and fell asleep with it on. In support of full disclosure, I just turned the television on, but instead decided to turn it off and wait until Thursday. I am deciding to do something fulfilling and enriching (hopefully) with my time (what that could be at almost midnight I don't know, but let's be positive...

Father Time

I fell asleep last night writing a post. Well, I signed in and...promptly fell asleep. So here I am this morning - well rested and on time (so far, but remember the day is just starting). I am going to keep this short (so that I may stay on time). Lent is almost over. I am almost reunited with my television (and guilt-free might I add because I have been briefly reunited a few times during Lent, but couldn't quite shake the thought of Jesus dying on the cross and all). Well, have a great day!

People Before Things

There is less than a week left of Lent. So many of you with grandiose faith thought I would be cured of my tele desire (of course I am not). The way in which I watch television will be different though as my DVR practices have changed dramatically. All of the shows that I thought were okay, but wasn't crazy about I have stopped recording and wasting my time watching (sorry Castle). Erasing watched shows from the DVR made me feel as if I had completed something (I guess technically I had completed "something"), which is a part of the sickness I think (I refuse to admit that a perfectly sane person - well, sane the majority of the time person - wasted so much time on shows she doesn't even really like). Now here's the kicker: I was willing to spend a trillion plus hours on television that didn't surprise me, make me crack a smile, or anything else that would signal to others that I found it the least bit pleasurable, but people I like a wee bit (a unit smaller than a little) I spend absolutely zero time engaging. Something to think about...

On a side note (well, I don't really have one - I just missed the side note - terribly)...

Marshmallow Peeps, Fire & Brimstone

Did I mention? I am going to hell in a basket. Well, to be more precise, a life-sized Easter basket full of all that fake grass and lots of Reese's peanut butter eggs so that my thighs are sure to be nice and chunky for eternity. I watched television again. And enjoyed it. I am contemplating giving up, but that seems so assanine since in a week I will be able to enjoy my tube at my leisure. I need help. Maybe I should send God an email (he's high tech you know). Please pray for me. Why is it when things get beyond (fill in the blank), then you want to throw it to God? Why not throw it to Him before you make a mess of things? Good question. My answer - I don't know.

Je ne sais quoi...

So you know I am enlightened now, right? Well, not really, but I thought it would be cool to say. I have wondered lately, how is it that Oprah knows something different for sure every month and I am still positively 100% sure about nothing? I mean I know a few things, but what I know or what I think it is that I know could change at any minute. Maybe it's because she is enlightened and well...I'm not. Anyway, I've got some revisions to do on my proposal so I can begin to collect my data. My committee wants me to do a factor analysis. I know. I thought the same thing as my eyes glazed over. I should add a donation feature to this blog so that I can begin taking donations for that stat expert it looks like I am going to need.

Cap City Confessions

Being with yourself without distractions is difficult. All those little "things" that you manage to mask during your day-to-day are all of a sudden bigger "things." Television was a great cover-up as was my internet surfing, dinner with friends, etc., etc. While it's nice that I am connecting with His peeps, I think the point might be that I connect with his #1 peep (again, I know God loves you, too) because by doing so I am growing as is our relationship. Maybe Lent is about abstaining from a comfort and relying on God to make you comfortable. I sound enlightened huh?

Estrogen

It's a funny thing.

Insomnia

I know - just a few weeks ago I couldn't wake up to save my life and last night I woke up at 1:00 a.m. as if it was time to get ready for work. In the past, how would I have handled this situation? Yep. You guessed it. I would have watched one of the shows recorded on my DVR. People, I am SICK. I used to record shows that I didn't like as much because God forbid I should run out of recorded television to watch or be forced to watch television in real time with all the commercials and such. I have not figured out yet if this is a test or if God is saying I have been without television long enough so just turn it on and have at it. I wish!

You Are Talented!

It felt good to hear. All of this time, energy, and hundreds of thousands of dollars (your eyes are not playing tricks on you) later and I began wondering what in the hell did I do to myself. See, it turns out that I do not want to go into academia. I got a Ph.D. (positive self-talk – support me here) and it turns out I want to work with children in schools. Over the past year and a half I have been doing some soul-searching. I mean the kind you do when you have no job and you really love to shop and there is a recession and oh wait a Depression of some sort and life is going to hell in a hand basket for everyone including those with doctorates. Literally. God led me to the schools – He paid me well and gave me the awareness that my passion was invoked while working there. He made a way for me to change advisors and get a job working in a low performing school and guess what! I love it! I love the students a bunch and often have to engage in a conversation with myself about whose needs are being served because although I am serving in the midst I am being served as well. And so, I completed my first school counselor application today. One order of fulfillment coming up!

Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To Him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen.
1 Peter 4:10-11

Does Your Mother Love You?

I have skipped another day of blogging and I don't know what my problem is. I haven't been as creative since my Colloquium (that sounds official, huh). I still love television, but it just didn't feel as good this last time I caught a peek. (It makes sense that not honoring Jesus would be a buzz kill).

I have erased tons of stuff from my DVR. I used to record all of the CSI's, but no more...I love a crime drama, but I am beginning to think that watching this stuff is not the best thing. For instance, my neighbors have a chihuahua and one day last summer it was whining for hours on end. Of course in my mind this meant that they were dead and the dog was trying to communicate with me. Lo and behold I saw them a few days after I called the rental office to have someone go and check in on them because clearly I have a screw loose.

On a side note (I am making it my business to have at least one side note in every post), I have another follower. Someone felt pity for me and I appreciate it. My mother is not a follower (hopefully this public shaming will change things). Apparently she doesn't love me enough. But do you know what she does love? Television. I went to visit yesterday and as we ate dinner and talked to one another (I heard that this is what functional families do), she made a comment about the lack of television. Wow. How lovely.

The Wagon

It seems I have fallen off. In more ways than one. (Is that how that expression goes?) Anyway, I watched television again (which is why I didn't blog) and I haven't posted daily since last week. Stop complaining - I've been busy! Well, I have decided to recommit myself to this effort. NO MORE TELEVISION UNTIL HOLY THURSDAY! I literally had to ask for the Lord's help. I mean, I am really missing my television. It seems since I don't have television I actually have to connect with other human beings (novel right).

On a side note (because you know how I love a side note), I am on Day 2 of that book and I should probably be on Day 14, but who's counting?! So I am going to go now and give myself the gift of self-awareness. Wish me luck...

Snitches!

Well, it has been awhile since I have posted last. As you know, I had my Colloquium Presentation (Proposal Meeting) on Monday. The experience was surreal to say the least. Many of you are not aware of my past advisor and her mean and manipulative behavior (but I guess you know now). Anyway, this was the first time I met with my new committee in its entirety and it was a great experience. They challenged me (I mean they asked some really tough questions), but they weren't intent on humiliating and demeaning me like that other broad. Even though they were not patsies, they supported me throughout the entire process. It was at the end of the meeting after everyone signed the paper (everyone signs off and this means that you can go forward and collect data) that I realized that I was like a battered woman without the bruises. I really didn't (and still don't) know what to do with all that support I was given. It felt weird (this is the best description I can provide at this point) to receive support. It should have felt weird when that racist broad (she is not a lady) was mistreating me (sadly enough, it didn't).

Okay. So after the meeting I went to El Vaquero with Caroline (I am going somewhere with this - follow me). She talked about how she gave up desserts for Lent, but that she had a peanut butter cup blizzard on her way back from Tennessee. Then we began talking about television (I shared that I had given it up). You know those dang counselors...they are always asking 1,001 questions...What are your favorite shows? Did you see the Oscars? Blah blah blah blah...And when I got home I watched television. STOP JUDGING ME! To be fair, Jesus is a great interventionist because I fell asleep within the first ten minutes of the television being on. I thought I would keep it as our little secret (you know, we have shared quite a few over the years), but a certain someone (who will not be named, but anonymous person know that you are no longer in my will) said you better blog about that or else I will. Hmph.

Our Father

My Proposal Defense is scheduled for Monday, March 8, 2010, which means that I have to come up with a revised document (did I mention that I have yet to receive feedback from my advisor), some talking points, and a presentation. Great! I need prayers – immediately! I don’t think I can justify being clever when I have this other stuff to do so I’ll see you after Monday’s festivities.

In The Name of the Father, the Son, & the Holy Spirit...Amen!

Let me start off by saying that there are some really amazing and talented young people out there. I had the opportunity to meet a few Saturday as I conducted Penn interviews for high school seniors living in the Central Ohio area. My first interview was at 10:30 a.m. and my last at 5:00 p.m. (I know – I’m committed). One young woman in particular was so friggin’ (that is a word) amazing (she reminded me of myself – just kidding). She was a great conversationalist, super articulate, considerably thoughtful, with a ton of other wonderful qualities. Strap in because I am going somewhere with this…She was (I suppose she still is) Catholic and we were talking about abstaining during Lent and if this is what Jesus really wants. She said during last year’s Lent season she decided to do something instead of not doing something (like we do during Advent, which makes sense because what we now consider Advent – the time leading to Christmas - was once upon a time referred to as Lent). If Lent is ultimately about strengthening your relationship with Christ, you’re kind of missing the point if you now use your internet instead of your television (I swear I am not talking about myself). *sigh* Pray for me…

I Heart Television!

I know I said that I was feeling okay with not watching television, but as you (my fellow addicts) know there is always a trigger around the corner (food, that red light, the Octomom’s odd behavior on The View, and the list goes on). After having thought I made it over the hump, there I was, feeling as if I was back at square one. Behavior change is difficult (yet doable). We have to be willing to stick with it (whatever it is) even when (especially when) we behave in a manner that is disappointing to ourselves or incongruent with the new way we see ourselves. On a side note (it seems I love a side note), I found this site that posts what people have given up for Lent. It’s pretty cool so check it out. On a side note to the side note, folks have been asking how they can formally follow the blog (I must admit my self-esteem is suffering since I have only one follower – but just know that the one person will be provided for greatly in my will – after the government gets all of their money (they are called student LOANS for a reason). Okay so here’s the process: under the title “Followers” click on the link “Follow (with Google Friend Connect).” "Followers" is found underneath "About Me" on the right side of the blog. Follow the prompts and voila you’ll be a fan follower of my blog.

Snow Snow Go Away Come Back Another Day Year (Or Something Like That)

My neighbor (chances are he’s not following this blog) has dusted my car when it was covered with snow, shoveled my walkway, and even shoveled around my car so that I can get in and out of my spot with ease. I would like to nominate my neighbor for canonization because clearly he is a Saint. I’ve told him “Thank You,” but clearly he deserves more (of what you are asking and I am saying I don’t know). Please send me suggestions. In addition to more (whatever that is), I am going to honor my neighbor’s kindness by doing something for someone (without being asked and without recognition). Please join me and do something for your neighbor – literally or figuratively.

Eenie Meenie Minie Moe

I know it’s approximately five days later…and I am still only on Day One of that book. So what who cares?! My bestie Joy Behar says that all the time. Well, do you remember my list of desires? It turns out I know myself really well and…I’ve added more desires to the list. I mean every Butler girl knows that more is…more. The next step in the process is to choose one inner and one outer desire to focus on during the next 20 days. I could have sworn I heard God tell me to write down “Size 8” as my outer goal, but it turns out he didn’t (there was an internal struggle – I mean s-t-r-u-g-g-l-e). And so my soul has informed me: my inner goal is purpose and my outer goal is that Ph.D. (don't they sound good together).

For The Bible Tells Me So

Yes, Jesus loves me! Okay...I guess He loves you, too (He might love me a little more, but I am not one to gloat). I went to the hair salon and voila - the television was on and after Rachel Ray...The View came on. Oh how I wish I wore my glasses to the salon because I was very far away and the volume was down (Jesus I am not complaining at all I am just filling these people in on the details). Believe it or not I am starting to get over the fact that I am not watching television. My next feat is to just be without the television. So far I have only managed to do other things (unproductive things, unreflective things, everything except that dissertation) besides watch television. I had these visions of myself meditating (in these visions I of course had small thighs and I was wearing great meditation gear). You know what? I am going to go out on a limb here. I want everyone to take a moment of silence...and pray for me to be blessed with smaller thighs (do it now, don't break the chain).

Intervention

Do you know what goes with a nice tender slice of brisket (besides faux Kool-Aid and a top notch dinner roll)? A one hour crime drama. And so it goes…another day passes without television. I am finding that even though I am not watching television, I am not yet enlightened. This is probably because I have picked up another habit – internet surfing. Via internet surfing, I found a little gold nugget also known as abridged transcripts of American Idol. I told you! This is a sickness. Maybe now you’ll take me seriously. This television habit didn’t spring out of nowhere. I was obsessed when I was a kid. I simply replaced Sesame Street with Law & Order (by the way, have you noticed that there haven’t been new episodes in a long time). In the interest of full disclosure (I mean, it is Lent and all): Mommy, when you told me to go to my room and do my homework without television, I turned the television on (with the volume low of course) and watched while I did my homework. When I heard you walking up the stairs, I’d turn it off (if any of you know how slow my mother moves, you know this was a piece of cake). Wow, I feel better already.

On another note, I scheduled my proposal meeting for next week, but since I have not received feedback as of yet, I rescheduled it. Well, I am in the process of rescheduling it. I am optimistic, but it appears this thing (also called graduation) will not occur in June. Do you know what this realization calls for? Ice cream. No, ice cream and cake. No, ice cream, cake, and The Good Wife (this is the best one hour drama ever).

The Game (of Life That Is)

In the 21-Day Consciousness Cleanse or that book, which is how I will refer to it from now on, there is a chapter on “Preparing for the Game” [of life]. Of course preparing for the game includes – you guessed it – knowing the rules.

Rule #1: Unhooking from the Outer World
Rule #2: Giving Up the Self You Know
Rule #3: The Willingness to Shift
Rule #4: God First (My Favorite – and I am not just saying that because He is a follower of my blog!)
Rule #5: Expanding Your Container

I am thinking Debbie Ford (the author of that book) might be a little perturbed if I give away all of her goodies for free so I will give details of the fifth rule only (Debbie relax…I am selling books here). Debbie says, “We can’t tap into the power that has the ability to get us through the most difficult of times and clear away the most daunting obstacles to our true fulfillment and ongoing success unless we make room for it – and we are the only ones who can do this.” In other words, we don’t have any room for new fulfilling experiences because we have yet to clear out all the junk from the past.

This is going to be good for me because I am still mad at my fifth grade art teacher. She misplaced my work and shared that she misplaced it with me and then gave me a poor grade (for which I was punished and missed a lot of Three’s Company as a result). I can’t remember her name, maybe it’s time I let her off the hook…

Megatron

I would like to say I am transformed, but I am not – stop judging me! I have a confession…I watched television on Saturday. In order to earn the Lord’s forgiveness (I know, I simply had to ask for forgiveness), I did not watch on Sunday. I am thinking enough already with the negotiating. I have had enough, the saints have had enough – trust me, it’s enough. I didn’t even do this much negotiating when I was in Mexico buying sterling silver jewelry. So, I have made a resolution. No television until the ninth hour on Holy Thursday. I will set my DVR for the week on Sundays, but I won’t watch television (seriously, I’ll turn to the TV Guide Network).

On another note, although related, I stopped by my mom’s house and it seems she doesn’t like me very much because not only did she have the television on, she commented on what was being said (apparently we will receive rain instead of snow over the next couple of days). Also, I caught a glimpse of my old friend Lester Holt from NBC (I think that’s his last name). I wonder if he is indeed a friend if I am unsure of his last name…

21-Day Consciousness Cleanse

Pearl (my anonymous friend) blogs about her Pursuit of a Ph.D. and in her blog, she talks a lot about this book the 21-Day Consciousness Cleanse. Through her blog I began doing the activities; most notably, the first day’s activity – The Gift of Desire. The gist of it is to list your desires. My list of desires last week (I’m a Gemini and love change – sue me) were as follows (not in order of importance):
Peace
Ph.D.
Love
Curiosity
Balance
Prosperity
Fulfillment
Optimal Health (health that is really really really good – really)
Confidence
Healthy Self-Esteem (with this, the ability to tell people to kick rocks – nicely of course)
Laughter (preferably at someone other than myself)
Great Skin/Hair (okay, I’m vain – we’re working on one thing at a time here)
Fulfilling Job
Fashionable
Great Figure
Husband (will St. Peter deny me entrance if I specify rich husband)
Children (well, one "children")
And
A Train Ride Out West (random I know)

It seems through this book, some of my desires have been answered already (namely, fulfillment). If I am willing to do the work, I think that this could be a rather fruitful experience.

“The big win is not he who dies with the most toys but rather he who has delivered his soul’s greatest purpose to the world.”

Ambien, Anyone?

It’s the fourth day of forty and I am ashamed to say I took an afternoon nap (literally). I slept the entire afternoon. What gives? I guess during the first week you sleep through the withdrawals (I don’t know – work with me here). I did exercise today (on a side note my thighs are not any smaller) and I received a book titled “The 21-Day Consciousness Cleanse” (I ordered it – it wasn’t magically sent to me). I am excited about reading this book and completing the exercises in it. I think this is where that enlightenment I talked about enters the picture. We will see…

Is JC @ My Hair Salon?

Well apparently he is! Any other day that I have been at the hair salon the television has been on, but not today. Before I arrived I salivated at the idea of catching a few glances of The View from the salon chair. But no go. And so there you have it - I have not watched television since Tuesday. Since Lent is technically 40 weekdays until Easter, I am going to watch television on Sundays and set my DVR for the following week. I feel your judgment... Unfortunately, my thighs are the same size and I still have a ton of things to get done!

That Red Light!

The DVR was for sure created by one of God's people. Who else would make sure that I'd be able to record at least two of my shows at a time and play them back without having to sit through commercials? When I arrived home last night, that red light was on and I was so tempted to turn the television on - just to see what was taping, of course. While eating a slice of pizza I thought, "Television would go great with this..." It seems television is like a great merlot (because I don't drink, I am unable to sensibly complete the analogy, but you get it). The DVR is what started this whole thing. I could have easily given up some food group, but no, that was not good enough. Last Thursday, all 46% of my DVR storage disappeared and when I reacted as if my bestie disappeared and not television shows, I thought, "TELEVISION! I should give up television!" After I acknowledged it, I wished I could go back and unacknowledge it, but as you all know there is no going back and so here I am wishing I could sneak a peek at Oprah (I would watch paid programming at this point). So wish me luck! So far I haven't created any additional time for myself, but my hope is that I will gain something (enlightenment, smaller thighs, peace - my expectations are not lofty at all).

No Television?

So today is the day as they say. It's Ash Wednesday and I have given up television for Lent. Not candy or red meat as I have done in past years - television. What was I thinking? I mean, I guess I wasn't. Even worse, I don't have anyone to blame, but the Holy Spirit. Ouch! So, no television it is. Oprah, The View, and my countless other shows will have to wait until the weekend (I am still in negotiations with the Holy Spirit as to whether I can watch a little on the weekends and maybe an hour a day during the week). STOP JUDGING ME! It's apparent I have a sickness; however, if Jesus can sacrifice Himself for me, I can sacrifice a little American Idol. Right?